Tag Archives: Health

Contemplating Divorce

6 Dec

I’ve been divorced for a few years now. It was brutal, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. Fortunately I don’t have many regrets, I went down swinging.

People will tell you that staying together, “for the kids” is never a good idea. I understand the argument but I’ve lived it and my advice to you is this (as long as there aren’t any safety concerns or serious adultery issues) . . . what better reason is there?

It was hard at times there’s no denying that, but I’m grateful for the privilege. Once that window of opportunity shuts, there’s no going back.

If you’re still in the contemplative phase, here’s some tips from Psychologist and Author James Coleman from his book [IMPERFECT HARMONY]

*I will stop looking to my partner as a source of intimacy for now, and maybe forever more.

*I will grieve the loss of the marriage I thought I’d have, and stop bemoaning what I’m not getting from my partner.

*I will work hard to develop my life because that will be the best remedy for resisting my partner’s negative pull on me, or my destructive need of him or her.

*I will work to examine my counter-productive beliefs about marriage as being central to my happiness.

*I will work to keep the tone of my household calm and in control because that is what’s best for my children and me. While I don’t have control over my partner’s behavior, I have control over my own.

*I may have to accept that sex with my partner will be rare, non-existent, or less satisfying than I would like.

*I will give up my addiction to being right.

*I will stop hoping that my partner will change and will stop pushing him or her to change.

Regardless of whether or not you stay together, it’s not just about you anymore. You’re a parent, and that will never change.

Invest copious amounts of emotional capital in your children no matter what’s going on in that house. Just because you guys can’t get your act together doesn’t mean they don’t deserve your full and undivided attention. It’s not their fault.

They need us more than you may think.

Create memorable moments, one-on-one, with each of them. Look for things to praise them for, opportunities to talk and more importantly to listen.

They need a map, you’re it.

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Legacy of Tears

30 Nov

Looking around at all the foulness in the media lately, I was thinking of writing a book about the wickedness of the human heart. I even came up with a cool title for it, “Depth of Depravity.” However the more I pondered on the idea, I honestly wouldn’t know where to begin.

When I examine my own heart, it’s enough to scare anybody. I think that’s the case for most of us, but the dynamics have changed. Our eyes have adjusted to the darkness. We accept things as normal that should make us feel ashamed as a country; we’ve forgotten how to blush.

Overall Americans used to be on the same page in terms of morality. We enjoyed a, “community ethic.” where everybody knew the difference between right and wrong. Those days are over, which makes reading people a lot more challenging, and dangerous.

Nobody’s perfect, but ask those who know me and they’ll tell you, I’m one of the good guys. What about the other team?

If we’re truly honest with ourselves . . . goodness.

They used to say twenty or so years ago, that at any given moment there were at least a hundred serial killers walking around, living among us. I wonder what those numbers would look like today?

I’ve made many poor choices in my life, decisions that still affect me in many respects all these years later. Growing up in the chaos I was forced to call, “home” certainly didn’t help (long story). Nevertheless I took ownership of those choices, a skill sorely lacking in American culture. As a result I enjoy my freedom, I have a good relationship with my children, I’m relatively healthy, I have a roof over my head . . . there are consequences for good behavior as well as bad.

But my God what are we handing down to these kids?!

Braille — Changed Hearts

Everything depends on perception

27 Jun

EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON PERCEPTION

Boldness obliterates obstacles

As your navigating through the marketing maze, there’s an important word to keep in mind that will either greatly increase your odds of becoming successful or doom you to failure coming out of the gate. It may seem kinda simple on the surface, but believe me it’s not. There are a lot of people trying to “keep it real” that don’t know the first thing about the term.

Human nature is such that if you’re not thinking objectively about this subject, you’ll get run over.

What I’m talking about is perception.

Your perception of yourself and your circumstances is what keeps you plowing through the obstacles that will inevitably pop up in front of you. Your prospects perception of you is what will either drive them to you, or drive them away.

If you perceive the obstacles as mountains to climb, it’ll drain your strength and desire. If your target market perceives you as timid, weak and desperate, they’ll run to get away from you. It’s embarrassing and uncomfortable to be around people like that.

People are drawn to strength, “perceived” or otherwise. Having an attitude of boldness and audacity will take you a lot farther than trying to get people to like you by avoiding conflict. I’m not talking about being overtly rude, all that does is compound the problem. I mean not being afraid speak your mind about an issue, not being fearful to confront conflict head on!

There’s a lot of folks out there who think that being overtly nice is a professional strength, it can be considered one and usually is, depending on the motive. It can also be perceived as being passive aggressive.

Respect, having consideration for someone else’s feelings or opinions is definitely a quality that is appreciated by most; but if it’s because of a deep seated fear of reprisal or a possibly fist fight, it translates to others who have no such fear. It’s the reason people get bullied.

I mentioned obstacles and mountains to climb, this is also a place most people just aren’t skilled at. When you were a little baby, you had to learn how to walk, how to talk and how to eat. As you got a little older you started getting comfortable talking about concepts, you started to realize you could communicate without even thinking about it! Then you started school. You had to figure out your place in the hierarchy of the social stratosphere, who to hangout with on the playground, who to steer clear of, what kind of girls thought you were cute etc. then came the hard part, learning how to write. I don’t know you; but I’m betting you graduated kindergarten, maybe even got through to the fifth grade! Amazing right? 😉

Obstacles can either be roadblocks or opportunities. If there’s an obstacle in your way, you have one of two choices. Pack up your toys, turn around and go home or speak to it boldly. If you see it as an opportunity to shine, as a way to harness energy, you’re chances or getting through it are increased exponentially.

Perception.

If you’re a fearful person, you have untapped potential you’re probably not aware of because you’ve kept it on tap. You’d be surprised what you’re capable of.

Let go of the past, cut loose the baggage of fear. Do something physical to represent your new decision. Get a pencil and a piece of paper, write out all your fears, go get a six pack of beer (even if you don’t drink), go out back and light a small fire. Read your list of fears out loud to yourself. As you say each one, mentally speak to your subconscious that you are the one that is in control not him (or her). When you’re done toss the list in the fire and watch it burn, even the embers, until the light is gone.

Now get up, mess up your hair, if you’re in a suit, loosen your tie, untuck your shirt, get a big handful of dirt (make sure it gets underneath your fingernails) and throw it on the fire.

Now go take a nice long, hot shower . . . you deserve it. If you have some beer left, give me a shout. 😉

Everything depends on perception

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Stay Focused on Your Core Genius Written by Jack Canfield

27 Jun

FOCUS ON DOING WHAT YOU DO BEST –

I believe you have inside of you a core genius… some one thing that you love to do, and do so well, that you hardly feel like doing anything else. It’s effortless for you and a whole lot of fun. And if you could make money doing it, you’d make it your lifetime’s work.

In most cases, your Core Genius is directly tied to your passions and life-purpose.

Successful people believe this, too. That’s why they put their core genius first. They focus on it—and delegate everything else to other people on their team.

For me, my core genius lies in the area of teaching, training, coaching and motivating. Another core genius is writing and compiling books. Over my 35 year career, I have written, co-authored, compiled and edited more than 150 books, and I love to do it! I do it well, and people report that they get great value from it.

Compare that to the other people in the world who go through life doing everything, even those tasks they’re bad at or that could be done more cheaply, better, and faster by someone else.

They simply can’t find the time to focus on their core genius because they fail to delegate even the most menial of tasks.

When you delegate the grunt work—the things you hate doing or those tasks that are so painful, you end up putting them off—you get to concentrate on what you love to do. You free up your time so that you can be more productive. And you get to enjoy life more.

So why is delegating routine tasks and unwanted projects so difficult for most people?

Surprisingly, most people are afraid of looking wasteful or being judged as being above everyone else. They are afraid to give up control or reluctant to spend the money to pay for help. Deep down, most people simply don’t want to let go.

Others (potentially you) have simply fallen into the habit of doing everything themselves. “It’s too time-consuming to explain it to someone,” you say. “I can do it more quickly and better myself anyway.” But can you?

Delegate Completely!

If you’re a professional earning $75 per hour and you pay a neighborhood kid $10 an hour to cut the grass, you save the effort of doing it yourself on the weekend and gain one extra hour when you could profit by $65. Of course, while one hour does’t seem like much, multiply that by 52 weekends a year and you discover you’Ave gained 52 hours a year at $65 per hour —or an extra $3,380 in potential earnings.

Similarly, if you’re a real estate agent, you need to list houses, gather information for the multiple listings, attend open houses, do showings, put keys in lock boxes, write offers and make appointments. And, if you’re lucky, you eventually get to close a deal.

But let’s say that you’re the best closer in the area.

Why would you want to waste your time writing listings, doing lead generation, placing lock boxes, and making videos of the property when you could have a staff of colleagues and assistants doing all that, thus freeing you up to do more closing? Instead of doing just one deal a week, you could be doing three deals because you had delegated what you’re less good at.

One of the strategies I use and teach is complete delegation. It simply means that you delegate a task once and completely – rather than delegating it each time it needs to be done.

When my niece came to stay with us one year while she attended the local community college, we made a complete delegation – the grocery shopping. We told her she could have unlimited use of our van if she would buy the groceries every week. We provided her with a list of staples that we always want in the house (eggs, butter, milk, ketchup, and so on), and her job was to check every week and replace anything that was running low.

In addition, my wife planned meals and let her know which items she wanted for the main courses (fish, chicken, broccoli, avocados, and so on). The task was delegated once and saved us hundreds of hours that year that could be devoted to writing, exercise, family time, and recreation.

Most entrepreneurs spend less than 30% of their time focusing on their core genius and unique abilities.

In fact, by the time they’ve launched a business, it often seems entrepreneurs are doing everything but the one thing they went into business for in the first place.

Many salespeople, for example, spend more time on account administration than they do on the phone or in the field making sales, when they could hire a part-time administrator (or share the cost with another salesperson) to do this time-consuming detail work. In most cases, in a fraction of the time it would take them and at a fraction of the cost.

Most female executives spend too much time running their household, when they could easily and inexpensively delegate this task to a cleaning service or part-time mother’s helper, freeing them to focus on their career or spend more quality time with their family.

Don’t let this be your fate!

Identify your core genius, then delegate completely to free up more time to focus on what you love to do.

I believe that you can trade, barter, pay for and find volunteer help to do almost everything you don’t want to do, leaving you to do what you are best at – and which will ultimately make you the most money and bring you the most happiness.

Jack Canfield, America‘s #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul get FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com.

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A Bit of Perspective

27 Jun

A BIT OF PERSPECTIVE –

What’s it all for?

This recession hit me hard, it felt like I got kicked in the teeth to be honest.Before the economy started to unravel I was worth $22.00 an hour, now I’m lucky to get skilled labor wages.

I’ve had to get creative recently; but it’s starting to pay off and for that I’m thankful.The opportunity to succeed in network marketing is basically the same for everyone; but just like your typical brick and mortar it all depends on your effort, I know that.

If somebody isn’t interested in my offer, that’s okay.Not everybody is a good fit for entrepreneurship anyway; but I do have to admit . . . to not at least try and take advantage of free enterprise is in my opinion, an affront to most of the people in the world.

They don’t have systems set up that reward their efforts, essentially giving them the tools they need to succeed.They don’t live in a society where the only thing that’s required to get ahead is the drive to get there.

I don’t know where you are in your life; but if all you’re doing is sitting around, waiting for others to figure out what to do, when you’re lying on your deathbed and it’s time to leave this world and all the people that live here behind, you won’t have any more time to make excuses.

I wanna be in a position to help others, now; to lift them up out of poverty.I wanna travel and help people rise above their circumstances, to be an inspiration to others, I wanna make a difference in the lives of kids no matter where their from! I wanna leave a legacy!

What are your goals?I mean really, how do you want to finish out your life?When it’s all over, will you be satisfied?Will you die comfortably, knowing that you went down swinging or will you be reeling with regret over all the things you never did?

“In this world, one billion people don’t have safe water to drink.Sixteen thousand children die every day from hunger related illnesses.Almost eighteen million children are orphaned in sub-Saharan Africa.”

John Piper

“It’s 3:00 am, and the Afar father is still awake.The desert night is cold.He snuggles up to his wife and newborn baby to keep them warm.Their stomachs rumble with hunger.Should he slaughter his scrawny goat to feed his wife, hoping she will produce enough milk to feed their baby?Or should he beseech the clan elders to move again, in search of weeds for the goat, or maybe even some fresh water?

They are fortunate; both his wife and their baby survived the birth.The Afar people have the highest infant mortality rate in the world.Women give birth without the benefit of sterile conditions or even clean water.Of the babies born alive, one-third die before age five.Afar people roam throughout one of the most desolate places on earth; the Ethiopian desert.

Drought and malnutrition make them vulnerable to diseases such as tuberculosis, malaria, conjunctivitis and many other water-borne illnesses. Of the thirteen million Afar people, three million are infected with HIV/AIDS.”

(Global Prayer Digest January 29, 2009)

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Embrace the Pain

10 Jun

EMBRACE THE PAIN –

Most of us see pain as something to avoid like the plague.  It’s as if the way to true fulfillment is to get as far away from it as possible.

I beg to differ.

Pain is your friend

When you think of pain, does it hurt?  Is it a topic you’d rather not talk about?  That’s how the majority of Americans see pain.  We’ve been conditioned that way by Hollywood, ad agencies, schools, politicians, many times even our own parents.

Pain is a good thing

Pain is a good thing.  It actually serves a purpose.  This world was designed in such a way as to “cause” pain for every living creature; but why would a loving “God” facilitate such an environment, or if you’re not religious, then why would the “Universe” be so cruel?

Pain let’s you know when something’s wrong and it also strengthens resolve, character, and stamina.  That to me sounds like a good friend rather than a sworn enemy.

With all of those awesome benefits of pain, isn’t it weird that we try to avoid it whenever and wherever possible? I’m not necessarily looking for it lol; but when we have to face it, why wouldn’t we use it for all it’s worth?

Comfort.

We’d rather be comfortable than free, we’d rather be at ease than at odds, we’d rather enjoy pleasure than learn how to effectively absorb our pain.

In short, we’re spoiled rotten.

I’ve never been outside of the country; but one thing I’m becoming painfully aware of the older I get is this . . . we’ve forgotten how to suffer.  I hope that soon we’ll begin to understand collectively, if you’ll pardon the phrase, the importance of using pain as a springboard for growth rather than a excuse for apathy.

When 9/11 happened for instance, we all came together like we hadn’t done since the eighties.  We volunteered, we prayed for each other, we donated and sacrificed, a lot of us even laid down our lives!

Think of all the good that came out of the intense pain we all felt!

So the next time you get annoyed, just ask yourself these questions, “Why am I getting upset?” and “What can I actually learn from this?”

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How to Form a Mastermind Alliance by Napolean Hill

10 Jun

MASTERMIND ALLIANCE –

How to form a mastermind alliance

Mastermind Alliance Basics

FIRST

* The first step is to adopt a Definite Purpose as an objective to be attained by the alliance, choosing individual members whose education, experience and influence are such as to make them of the greatest value in achieving that purpose.

* There isn’t any use in forming a Master Mind Alliance just to have someone to chat with. It will soon play out if you don’t have a strong motive behind it, and it’s up to you to plant that motive in the minds of the group members.Mastermind Alliance

* Your allies for this group should be chosen for their ability to help you get to where you are going. Do not choose people simply because you know them and like them. I have found out by experience that merely because you like a person is no reason whatsoever to have him as a member of your economic Master Mind Alliance. It is all right to have such a person in your social or purely personal alliance, where his contribution may simply be this very friendship you appreciate.

* You should make a careful analysis of your purpose and list the items you will need for its attainment and then systematically go about supplying the links with which to forge the chain. Each member of the alliance should make some definite, distinctive, unique contribution to the over all picture.

* In making your selection of allies for this economic group, you may have to be a little “cold blooded” at first. It is no easy job to select the right members. You may have to choose and eliminate until you get the right ones. This is costly in time and money. You should be guided in your choice by the things you need which you do not already have. If it is money you need to finance the deal, you must find a person who has the money to invest. No matter what nice people you know who would like to work with you, if they don’t have any money they cannot really make the particular contribution to the alliance you need. No-you must find a person with the money and cultivate his willingness to cooperate, by showing him the opportunities to make a profit from the investment.

* Of course, you don’t take the first person who answers the major requirement, unless he also possesses the other necessary attributes. The qualifications of membership in a Master Mind Alliance are very exacting. Consider each candidate for membership in the light of his ability, his personality, and his willingness to cooperate with you. I cannot overemphasize the necessity for harmony, if it is going to be a successful organization.

SECOND

* Determine what appropriate benefit each member may receive in return for his cooperation in the alliance. At this point review the nine basic motives which I termed the alphabet of success.

Napoleon Hills 14 Secrets to Success

1. Render more service than I ask people to pay for.

2. I engage in no transaction, intentionally, that does not benefit all whom it affects.

3. I make no statements that I do not believe to be true.

4. I have a sincere desire in my heart to be of useful service to the greatest possible number of people.

5. I like people better than I like money

6. I am doing my best to live, as well as to teach my own philosophy of success.

7. I accept no favors from anyone without giving favors in return.

8. I ask nothing of any person without having a right to that for which I ask.

9. I enter into no arguments with people over trivial matters.

10. I spread the sunshine of optimism and good cheer wherever and whenever I can.

11. I never flatter people for the purpose of gaining their confidence.

12. I sell counsel and advice to other people, at a modest price, but never offer free advice.

13. Which teaching others how to achieve success, I have demonstrated that I can make my philosophy work for myself as well, thus “practicing what I preach”

14. I am so thoroughly sold on the work in which I am engaged that my enthusiasm over it becomes contagious and others are influenced by it.

From Napoleon Hills book The Master Key to Success.

Base your appeals for cooperation on one or more of these motives. I can tell you ahead of time which motive will have the greatest appeal and I’ll bet you can guess it yourself.

* You’re right! It’s the desire for material wealth, or profit. If you make a profit, be willing to divide it with those who help you. Be not only fair, but generous with them, and the more generous you are with them, the more help you will get from them. Remember the principle of going the extra mile. What a pity that not all businessmen know about that! One of my purposes in life is to see that they learn about it.

THIRD:

* Establish a definite place where the members of the alliance will meet, have a definite plan, and arrange a definite time for the mutual discussion of the plan. You will recall the importance of a plan in connection with your Definite Major Purpose. Well, this is the time and place to reveal that plan to those who are your friends and harmonious associates, who will have a community of interest in the success of the venture. You may think your plan is very good, but before you get through discussing it with your allies you will undoubtedly modify it until you hit upon the perfect plan.

* When you have established rapport between your mind and the minds of others in your Master Mind Alliance, you will find that ideas will flow into the minds of each of the members and likewise into your own mind. When the Master Mind is in effect, it produces ideas that would not come to your mind alone. I have had that experience many times when sitting in on the many groups of which I am a member on a consulting basis.

* The Round Table discussion will be the place where everyone meets, and where each member may speak with confidence. They all see what’s on the table. You have no secrets in such a group, which results from the care with which you select members.

* It is important that frequent and regular contacts be made between the members. Indefiniteness on this point, or utter neglect, will bring defeat. You must keep in almost continuous contact with the other minds of the group if you are to get the full benefit of them. Meetings should be scheduled often, and telephone numbers exchanged, so that it is possible within a few minutes to discuss any sudden development with the group

FOURTH:

* It is the burden of the leader of the alliance to see that harmony among all the members is maintained and that action is continuous in the pursuance of the Definite Major Objective. Action or work is the connecting link between desire, plan, and fulfillment.

FIFTH:

* The watchword of the alliance should be Definiteness of Purpose, Positiveness of Plan, backed by continuous perfect harmony. The major strength of such an alliance consists in the perfect blending of the mind of all members. Jealousy, envy or friction, as well as lagging of interest on the part of any member, will bring defeat unless he is removed at once.

SIXTH:

* The number of Individuals in an alliance should be governed entirely by the nature and magnitude of the purpose to be attained. If you are going after a purpose comparable to that of Mr. Edison’s you will require a large number of persons with special talents and training. A lesser undertaking will call for a correspondingly smaller group. In general, it is better to have as few members as possible, because it will be that much easier to maintain harmony among them. Quite often a man will need only a really cooperative alliance with his wife in order to achieve the purpose he feels inspired to achieve.

* If a man cannot find that harmony which I have mentioned as being desirable between man and wife, it is possible for a man to form a purely economic alliance with a woman other than a wife.

http://www.naphill.org/get-involved/starting-points/mastermind-alliances/

 

If you just wanna be comfortable, you’re about to get left behind.  If you think you know it all already, you’re in for a big surprise.  If you’re a people pleaser, you’d might as well hang it up; but if you wanna win, if you want true success like you want your next breath..

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